yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
