my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
