I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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