On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
