Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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