He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
