trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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