It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
