Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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