no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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