can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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