I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
