I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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