I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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