i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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