The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
