just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
