I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
