I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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