And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
