It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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