god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
