can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize