I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
