TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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