Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
