I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
