I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you traded sex for a burrito?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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