Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
