I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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