No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
