she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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