Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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