If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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