I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
time to smoke my breakfast
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize