Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
