I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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