you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
