I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize