gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
