OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
