At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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