Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
