Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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