im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
