Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
