so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
