You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
