Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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