I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
