that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
