one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
