brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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