Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
