that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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