you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize