I'm jealous of your bromance
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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