my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize