i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
