I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
