I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
