In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
