i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
