i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
