Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
