discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my shit smells like andre
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
