I just saw a hot homeless man
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
