pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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