Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
