If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
