It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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