i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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