You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
