I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
