But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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