I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
third nipple confirmed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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