Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
