I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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