I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
