She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
