New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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