operation harelip BJ is a go
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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