It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
