I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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