You can't special order awesome
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
