My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
