You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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