two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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